...there are somedays where this is all that my life seems like... i sit there staring at this blank page ...and as i sit i am consumed by this blackness that surrounds me...reminding me my life has been a failure...i have nothing to show for all my accomplishments...but no matter how hard i try to put something on it...i cant... i try so hard too...but no...so it stays blank and becomes sodden with my tears...for that is all i can do...
I thought that I had something to look forward too - thought that I was even on my way of reaching onto it.
But now? I find it almost impossible. I've failed myself. Myself and them. How do you tell someone that you're a complete screw over? How? When you have no reason of justifying it? Because you don't know yourself, what it is that you are seeking? And how do you go on deceiving yourself into something that you're not even sure of? I know that I'm not stupid or an idiot, but sure do feel like it. Who else messes up on something so easy? Or may be it just isn't? I'm tired about lying about now and later, but telling the truth isn't any easier. They'd never understand...I don't myself.
I find myself smiling, laughing, carrying on as if its all okay - when its more than not.
I don't know how to face it or them
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12-27-2007 11:08 AM