Marital Expectation

Importance of Sharing Your Expectations

Today, when asked, many married couples would say they expect companionship, intimacy, and sharing of feelings.Sharing your expectations with your spouse is critical if you want a successful marriage.
When your expectations aren't shared with each other, disillusionment will probably become an everyday experience.



Long Term Marriages

One of the joys of reading our hometown newspaper is seeing the large number of couples who are celebrating their 50th plus anniversaries.

Joanne Austin of the Washington State University Cooperative Extension writes that "Never before have so many couples been married long enough to experience such a variety of life-changes that occur in the later stages of marriage."

These long-term couples probably expected hard work, the challenge of raising children, and happiness, but not financial difficulties, unresolved issues, lost dreams, or ill health. Yet, they dealt effectively with the changes, both expected and unexpected, in their lives.

Major Barrier in Communication

One of the major barriers in communication is the unspoken expectations that a couple has of one another.

• Make time each day to share your expectations of the day.
• Take time before going out for the evening, or before leaving on a trip, to talk about your expectations of the event.
• Honestly appraise your expectations of yourself, your spouse, and your marriage. Are they realistic or unrealistic?

Surviving the Test of Time

Couples who survive the test of time are those who can adapt to change and who know what one another expects.

There are things you can both do and believe that will end up being direct paths to disappointment and unhappiness in your marriage. These include having false expectations, believing in the myths about marriage, thinking that someone else can make you happy, trying to read one another's mind, wanting to do everything together, and wanting to have a perfect marriage.

Identify Your Expectations

It is very important to be able to identify and actually talk about expectations with one another. Together you can fine tune your expectations so that neither of you are trying to live up to something that is impossible.
Achievable Expectations Are Okay

It's okay to have expectations. Everyone does. However, the expectations need to be achievable or the sense of disappointment, disillusionment and despair from failed expectations will bring spouses to the point of wanting to call it quits.
Positive Expectations

Hopefully, your expectations will include being able to lovingly resolve conflicts, to appreciate your differences as individuals, to respect and cherish one another, and to be able to discuss values and priorities.