Expectations...

[spotlesssoul]

"Expectations" seems quite an ordinary word at first glance. But to be frank, we have always been unaware of the depth of this word.Anticipation,fear,anxiety,excitement,happines s......all these feelings are associated with it.A student expecting his result of board exam or an entery test to a university, a worker expecting a promotion or raise in salary, a girl expecting birthday wishes, a child expecting reprimand for breaking windows, all these people in society are related to it one way or the other for some expectations bring happiness,for others they may announce sorrow and grief.

"I Never Expected You To Do This To Me" is a common sentence that we hear when our expectations have not met.A young man says this when his friend doesnot help him in the hour of need.A wife says it when her husband betrays her, a mother may be heard saying the same when her son marries against her wishes, a teacher may say this when her student fails the exam,or we may hear it from a father whose children desolate him in old age.

Some of you may not agree with me,but the irony is that we being humans are most good-natured and while helping others we automatically assume that they will also be there for us when we need them.And when they are not, we feel dejected,betrayed and experience with a strong feeling of disappointment and utter dejection.

So in order to lead a happy life,one should NEVER expect from others.This definitely doesnot mean that we should dhrink from helping others too.Infact we should do it at our best and with almost efforts, but in return should not expect any reward.If someone pays back,its good of him,even if he doesnot,it should not matter. This is surely a way to lead a life with lesser dire feelings.It will keep us happy through out our life and makes us less dependent on others and more confident wbout ourselves.

I had written and believed all above an year ago.But now ,right at this moment I know why but i feel myself forced to say that no realtion can exist in this world without expectations.. These expectations act as a catalyst in our relations.And for the examples above i feel now that the only mistake happens in judgement.. on the moment of judgement relies all the aquires.

I was discussing same point with my beloved brother and friend..He replied saying that Judging people is a very, very sensitive matter.You've to judge them by their expectations from others.And it's obvious that they'll expect the same from you.Because our inner eyes are closed.. we only see world from our own cosmetic eye.And expect everyone to be like us.Our minds are detemined that everyone should be like us.. inspite of their ill-knowledge of their own existance.It's so simple.. It only takes a second to realize other's expectations.. and there's never any harm in expecting the same from them.And yeah.. expecting is different from possession.Expecting is demanding.. and possession is just wishing.. a very rational understandable wish. The secondary thing. Expectations are modifyable.. and can be precise.. and can always be successful.

What do you all say in this regard???

Plus i wanna know your suggestions who can make me realise the TRUE fact about expectations..Like NOW i dont really expect anything good from ANYONE but still i have always felt myself surrounded by a fear of breaking OTHERS expectations..Iss cheez ka dar ke jo umeedain mujh se wabista kee gayee hain poori kar paoon ya nahin..Whether that's the matter of studies or my relations What should i really do in this regard?

Waiting for your replies,
Hira.

[Endurer]

This topic is more of a general nature therefore I am moving it to teen talks.

Moderator.

[friendlygal786]

Wow. you hav written alot. Enjoyed reading it, interesting topic. Well, I can share what I think of expectations and wat they mean to me. For me, I am aware that expectations are just that-we cannot guarantee something will happen just cuz we think it will. However, we as humans expect anyway, it is in our nature, something that we all hav in us. Its not really something u can learn to do or stop doing..maybe over time we can better realize that expecting is a waste due to our bad experiences. Ive learned also in the past 2 or 3 years that one should not expect much. We should expect the most from only ourselves...I should expect myself to do my best, or expect myself to behave the rite way and do the rite thing. But in our everyday lives, in the littlest things, we automatically expect things to happen- or be done- or be said. I think it is not something that can really be turned off. I sill expect certain things from certain people...but mostly from people I kno or am close to. Judging people from their expectations...well I never thought about that before..usually I used to judge people at face value, bad habit, i kno. But now I kno better. Now I ralize that it takes a while to really kno someone, and we should not judge people so quickly. But now that i think about it, we can learn alot from people by knowing about their expectaions also.

[RAHEN]

in order to lead a happy life,one should NEVER expect from others
I believe in this sentence...

hira jis baat ka aap ko dar hai ke jo umeedein doosron ko hum se hain..woh hum puri kar pate hain ya nahi..ussi tarhan yehi dar har kisi na kisi ko hota hai jab hum un se expect karte hain...
me jab choti thi tau me ne 1st and 5th class nahi parhi...kyunki meri teachers ka kehna tha ke me bahut brainy hoon...mashaAllah..aur issi cheez ne unko mujh se kai expectation jor leen....aur me un ke expectations ko kabhi pura nahi kar payi...they wanted me to be first in class and me jitna bhi parhloon kabhi fourth standard ke baad first nahi aai...me ne almost every year koshish ki kyunki me apne dad se bahut pyar karti hoon aur un ke liye kuch bhi chor/kar sakti hoon...lekin un ke expectations par puri na utarne ki wajah se mera dimagh ab aisa ho gaya hai...ke agar mujh se koi expectation rakhe to mujhe uncomfortable feel hota hai and jitna jaldi ho sake me woh jagah chorne ko dil chahta hai aur phir us insaan se baat na karne ko bhi dil chahta hai......ussi tarhan ab mujhe kisi se koi expectation nahi hai...jo mil jata hai..shukar al hamdAllah...jo nahi milta...us ka bhi shukar al hamdAllah...aur jo kuch mujhe chahiye ...woh me mang leti hoon....mil jaye to theek nahi to nahi...khud se mujhe kai expectations hai...aur shukar al hamdAllah...me apne banaye hoe expectations par puri utarti hoon...maybe because i believe i can...

Expectation ki jo aap ne defination de hai..woh mujhe sahi lagi...relationships mein as an example...jo aap ne in the first and second para di hain...unhi ko in consideration rakhte hoe... me itna kahongi ke insaan ko doosre insaan se itni expectations nahi karni chahiye ke woh usse poora na kar paye....a 40 yr man was asked do u expect anything from ur wife...he said....in the start of our marriage i did and we had too many arguments k tum aisa nahi karti ..waisa to kabhi tum se hoga he nahi...and brought unhappiness in our marriage....but now i know wat ma wife can do and wat she cant...have lower expectations than high ones....

now ur Question comes wat u should do...? ...do nothing..yes nothing...kyunki atlast to wohi hoga jo hona hai...jis mein Allah ki raza hai...

oh forgot to add...v.nicely written hira sis :applaud;...yasra its nice to know ur experience...keep sharing...:up;

[Atlantic]

well, Hira sis..very nice topic..and thank you for bringing it to discussion...truly worthwhile reading and highlights great points! :thumbs:

Well, to be honest with you, i could find myself on same position as yourself....i have always told myself not to expect anything from others, as when you set expectations, then you start to rely on those things and imagine them as a reality or something that is ought to happen, where as that is only one's imagination. And when someone does not fulfill your expectations, it hurts…and it hurts the other person to see that they have hurt their loved one. In general, it is only a thought that we generate in our own minds and build on top of it as time progresses hoping that things will turn out as we have imagined without realizing how far it can be from reality when it was never originally a part of real world - built only on our understanding of the other person's characteristics that we liked.....nevertheless, continue to help others and please others for self satisfaction or just to spread happiness among others!
On the other hand, as you highlighted the point that if you don't have expectations.....

no realtion can exist in this world without expectations.. These expectations act as a catalyst in our relations.

...true...if you don’t have any expectations…. it would be hard to trust that person...having expectations is also like having little faith on that person....and considering them trustworthy. Seems like, in order to maintain the relationship, you have to give a little and yet at the same time...learn to recognize your "possession" attributes and "expectations" attributes.
In conclusion, having expectations is not bad...however it's always good to know your limits and the extent of your thoughts....as long as you are not getting possessive....giving a little trust is good to build a relationship.

Furthermore, even i sometimes feel that what if....if..i can't fulfill all the expectations and hpes that others have associated from me...but that's my personal relation to that/those individuals....so...i use my communication with them to give them hints...that...to remain open minded and realize the truth and reality behind the "expectations"...hope for the best....and be optimistic...but don’t blame an individual for something that doesn’t’ go as you had expected of them…..but then…not everyone can relate to it on such a broad level…and they just have to learn by …..seeing their expectations not being fulfilled. I sometimes have to break their feelings by telling them indirectly that hey...i'm not worthy of all those expecations.....otherwise..i feel soo much under the pressure of just thinking all abt it....
And…for me…to comfort myself….i kinda link it to ….the ways of Allah, like I said in my other posts…. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes the reasons are beyond our understanding…. so...accept things with consideration and open heart to possibilities in any given perspective…..

I hpe I made sense up there :umm;

sorry guys..double posted..moderator, please delete the first version...thank u

[friendlygal786]

Rahen--nice example..its a good one to show that having high expectations that dont come thru hurt many.

Well like I said b4, I think its only human to expect..but I think Atlantic has a good point that we should hav some limits on our expectations...that is tru.

[spotlesssoul]

Thankyou SO very much all of you to discuss it so thoroughly.. I had though managed myself to be outta this matter :$ I was really nice to know all of your experiences And i agree will all what you said

Btw is it really possible to mould ourself in a way that we stop expecting anything from pple around?? I mean after all we are humans

Thankyou for your appreciation as well..

Regards,
Hira

[friendlygal786]

Like I said b4 Hira...we cannot possibly mould ourselves to stop expecting. Putting a limit is possible but even that is difficult...

[RAHEN]

we live life on the decisions and rules we make....one thing which is beneficial or right for someone might not feel the same for the other.....to make it more funnier....decisions are like face cream...suits one but might not the other...
for most of all....expectations comes into every relationship...
with me no expectation...i directly ask for it...simple as i say...