A few days ago the city of Mumbai woke up to the horrific news that a 16-yr old teen had strangled his 9-year old friend, Parth, to death. Apparently, the victim had got into a tiff with his murderer over a football. Investigations are gradually unfolding a more disturbing story. The accused had discovered some time ago that he was the adopted child of his family and had since then started behaving strangely. Was Parth a victim of his friend’s anger because he lived with his biological parents?

Rashi entered her room and punched the wall with her hand. Then she flung her coke can on the wall, colouring the white walls brown. She was angry because her father had refused to give her permission to go with her friends to a discotheque at the other end of the city. Her parents rushed into her room some ten minutes later to the sound of loud crashes, only to find the room turned upside down, with every conceivable movable object lying on the floor. Rashi ws sitting in the corner of the room, her face showing no remorse, but flaming with anger.


These are the stories of teens who are battling with anger. They are showing their antagonism and displeasure over somebody/something else apart from the source. Their behaviour stems from the fact that they feel that they do not have control over the situation. They have therefore adopted these ways to give vent to all the negative emotions that they are experiencing.

These two cases highlighted here are classic examples of misdirected and mishandled anger, which can also manifest itself in the form of social withdrawal, substance abuse, academic failures, bullying and even suicidal behaviour. More often than not, it is seen that parents/guardians handle their angry errant teens by showing more anger and high-handedness. The result: A frustrating experience for the adult and a stance of defiance by the teen.

Does it seem like a lose-all situation? Actually, the key lies in the teen recognizing that the emotions being experienced here are “not completely justified,” replacing the unrealistic conclusions with positive thoughts, learning to gain composure and relaxing oneself and then developing problem-solving skills …In short, the key lies in anger management.

It is imperative that the adults reach out to the teens and help them understand how important anger management is to good health. The next important step is to assure them that they are not alone in their experiences. Hundreds of teens across the world are going through the same emotions. And thirdly, ensure that the teen understands that if they do not control their anger then it will lead them to do or say things that they will regret later.

So how does a young teen begin to help himself/herself when he/she can feel the tempers rising?

First ask yourself, “How do I know that I’m slowly proceeding towards that danger zone of uncontrollable anger?

I can feel my body going stiff, which means that my muscles are tensing up.

My body temperature is soaring and I’m actually perspiring.

I am breathing faster, and even having difficulty in catching my breath.

My heart is pounding in my chest.

If you are experiencing any or all of the above it is time to get a grip on yourself. Ask yourself, “What is that factor that is upsetting me? Do I see a pattern of thoughts – feelings – behaviour?” If yes, then it is time to break the pattern.

Although every individual develops his/her own anger management skills, it helps to put down your thoughts and feelings on paper. Ask yourself:

What is upsetting me?

What will be the consequence of my behaviour?


Then tell yourself:

I will take responsibility for my behaviour. For e.g. If I break the glass; I will be responsible for cleaning up, I will be responsible if somebody is hurt by the glass pieces, I will be responsible for destroying a piece from my mother’s favourite set of crystals, I will be responsible for provoking my dad’s anger.

Is there a better way of reacting to this? For E.g. If I’m not getting permission for a night out; Is it because my parents are concerned about my safety, Are my friends who are accompanying me mature enough to shoulder each other’s responsibility, Will I be comfortable in the crowd at the venue at this late an hour? – Can I plan an outing to a place I will be comfortable in, Can I plan a day-out instead of a night out, Is there a possibility of going to a friend’s house for a dance party?

The choice is finally yours. How you react to a situation will depend on how accurately (or inaccurately) you weight the pros and cons of the situation.

Another effective method of dealing with anger is practicing what can be called “Visual Imagery” – Think of a calm place; visualize the colours around you, attune yourself to the sounds around you, feel the tranquility of the breeze that is blowing around you, notice the objects in your vicinity, imagine the texture of the objects – As you are visualizing the above…slowly relax your body, starting from your torso and slowly moving down to your toes.

If you are unable to compose yourself to get to Visual Imagery, walk away from the situation. Take a nice relaxing walk and as you do so push all the negative thoughts, feelings away from you. Take deep breaths and calm yourself. Do not do anything irrational. Remember that the responsibility of doing something drastic “Lies with you.” If it helps, talk to someone, who will listen to you without making judgments.

Another effective way to keep anger at bay is to exercise. This is because a good workout stimulates a chemical in the brain, called endorphins, that makes us feel happy. You could also channelise your anger to something that requires your concentration, say doing something creative. But, one of the best antidotes to anger is rest. Lie down to some soft music and drift off to sleep. The situation will look completely different after your mind and body has rested for a while.

Parents of teens also have their own roles to play in what can be described as a roller-coaster ride of emotions. They need to realize that teenage is a period of transition – from a child to an adult – when teens feel that their behaviour is being put in the two extreme categories of “Tantrums” and “Precocious.” So a teen is often asking himself/herself the question, “Am I too young or am I too old?”



The most important way in which a parent/guardian can help their angry teen is keeping watch over their own behaviour. The last thing an out-of-control teen needs is an out-of-control parent.

Remember, that a teen “never” responds to autocratic parental control. Try to develop camaraderie with your teen, so that he/she feels comfortable discussing his/her thoughts and the corresponding feelings with you.

Source: magnamags