my first poem

[~dreamer~]

this is my first poem i jus wrote it. i hope youy like it. its not very structured, its written very freely.


They crushed my heart and tore me apart.
i told them that but they just denied
so i just cried and cried and cried
you came to me and embraced me
you absorbed my tears and tried to take my pain
i looked at your questioning eyes
they asked what great pain are you suffering thats making you flow out a waterfall
i didnt say nothiing, i just blinked
you read the answer
your eyes glowed
they told me told "baby dont cry, cuz ur strong."
they told me "baby i am always there for for you"
and then they screamed "dont you dare let your spirits die. dont you dare let them get to you."
i smiled
my spirits flew to the sky, my heart built it's self and i stiched my self back together.
i looked into your eyes and said"what would i do without you"



all the bolded "they" is refering to the eyes
i hope it makes sense

plz comment on how you like it
luv Noureen

[loves intellegence]

mmm...it is very good...nice words r used...but i didn't liked this thing that the poem is just made, there r no feelings for it,if it had ur feelings in it,it wud be much better...n without ur feelings in it the poem is not a poem it is just like only words it has no meaning...n dear i didn't understood these two lines
you read the answer
your eyes glowed m not getting them
i dun think it makes senses...u can try n polish it ...
by the way the topic is good it is nicely written.

[friendlygal786]

Its a nice start Noureen
you should keep writing, it will improve ur writing skills...but its very nice

[Glamorous-Ladee]

a good start indeed.

[RAHEN]

keep writing it...as hopefully u will acheive more writing skills...and most of all...keep writing...
this poem seems to be incomplete...needs ur emotions...