so unexpected

[zoya09]

I have been in a relationship with my bf for 3 years now. we were very serious...like marriage serious. the only slight "problem" (although i never considered it a prob) is that he's indian (hindu) and i'm a pakistani (muslim). honestly when i fell in love with him i did not look at his nationality and all that and i didn't think it would be such a major factor. we even discussed marriage and we decided that we would get married after i graduate from univ. we even talked about how our families would react, people in general, EVERYTHING. as far as i was concerned he wanted to be with me as much as i wanted to be with him no matter what.

recently, he told me his family has been telling him to marry this indian girl (obviously hindu) and at first he was unsure about how he should approach this problem...and i tried to listen to him and tell him my perspective. his family is basically emotionally black-mailing him into this arranged marriage. before they didn't even give a crap now all of a sudden they're interested in him getting married and looking good in front of the "indian society" and all that b.s.

he didn't even tell his family anything about the fact that he wants to marry someone else and not have an arranged marriage. he's just saying "whatever's meant to happen will happen". in another words, he's gonna marry that girl soon or later.

i just feel so betrayed. i never ever thought for once that he would back out like this. we even discussed ALL this beforehand like almost 2 years ago and clarified everything and he did not care about the fact that we were different religions or anything! he said i love you for who you are not your religion or nationality. and i thought the same way. i thought him and i were on the same page. we planned everything from how we will get married to how many kids and their names, for god's sake!!!

i don't really know what to make of all this. i can't understand why he changed his mind and at first he was unsure about what to do, but as days go by, it seems he is more firm about his decision to marry.
i think i'm going crazyyyyyyy

[RAHEN]

maybe he changed with the pressure of his family...which is usually done by guys...right in the last moment...i think you can
Tell him what you feel and why is he doing this to you...if you feel love and sincerity in his words...then ask him to solve this problem by talking abt you in a serious way with his parents...
and get answer in yes or no...if he says yes...then go with him to his parents..and clear out everything...and if he says no...then try to choose a positive way.
and the right time is "now"

[Tulip]

this seems to be a case of betrayal zoya. I doubt if he was ever sincere with you before... and even now when he is so firm about his decision, what does he say to you as what should you do? does he even cares?
And another thing, this was not a 'slight' problem my friend. I understand about the caste and class system and i don't favour it but RELIGION is important. It's not something to be ignored... how come you never gave it a thought? Don't you love your religion? were u ready to give it up?

About your bf, confront him, about what he was thinking all the time and where has he left you now. After that if he don't seem to care then move on, he is not worth your love.

[zoya09]

Rahen,
I tried telling him how i feel betrayed for what he's doing and that its kind of like being a hypocrite because you promise someone one thing and do the other. he said his family is just after him and he just wants to "get this over with" (meaning getting married). i told him that's not how you look at marriage and that it's not a game. i told him to at least talk with his mother about this whole issue but he says it's not gonna work. his family basically wants him to marry that girl so that his niece back in india can marry another guy in that girl's family and come to canada. like seriously, is this a business deal or what??? they don't even care about how he feels and i don't know how to tell him how stupid this whole "bargaining" is because i don't want to say anything bad about his family.

another funny thing...he has an elder sister who's still not married. a couple of months ago my bf's family started pressuring her to get married and all that. they even took her back to india but she declined all the proposals. and when they came back to canada, her family was so angry with her they ignored her for months. but now they're okay with her and she's still single! this shows that now his family is pressuring him but if he stays strong, they too will let go of this whole arranged marriage idea (hopefully). I tried to tell him this too, but it seems like he's not listening to all these reasons. i think he's just trying to brainwash himself into believing whatever he's doing is the right thing. i will clarify this again with him..if it's not going to work then i guess i know what to do. and another thing, he still wants to keep in touch even after he's married...this doesn't make any sense to me




Tulip,
I always thought he was sincere with me and not in my wildest dreams did I ever think he would do this to me..ever. I asked him that if all he wanted was to have fun with a girl, he should've told her beforehand that he has no intentions of marrying her since he's gonna have an arranged marriage in the future. but he said he was not expecting things to happen like this.

i told him how i feel. he says he doesn't even want to think about all this because leaving me will be the hardest thing for him and he would always have a guilt inside knowing that he was the one who broke off this "perfect" relationship as he calls it. Tulip, i know and understand that religion is important for oneself, but not to impose on others. I follow my religion and i respect it and he follows his religion. nobody was going make anyone convert to their religion. i did give it a lot of thought and we had long discussions about this, believe me. it's possible for two people of different religions to live in harmony. but in my case, things took an unexpected turn. as for my bf, he still acts like he cares soooo much about me and he is so sweet and affectionate to me that it baffles me. there's like a war going on in my mind lol

[Tulip]

hmm...i feel sorry for you zoya.
Now that you know what he thinks and what he is going to do, What is that you want from all this? what are you planning to do?