Comrade Gorbachev has heard rumors that his policies are being discussed in Poona, India, so he decides to go and check it out. When his plane arrives at Poona airport, the Indian Army is there to welcome him. As Gorbachev steps off the plane, the military guard of honor fires off the traditional twenty-one gun salute.

"What were those shots?" asks Swami Deva Coconut, standing in the crowd.
"Gorbachev has arrived!" says the man next to him.

"Really?" replies Coconut. "You mean they could not get him with just one shot?"


After a wild Saturday night of partying, Swami Deva Coconut is hauled off to a Sunday morning Mass by his Catholic girlfriend, Beverly. Since he is totally ignorant of the various rituals involved, Beverly is constantly coaching him.

"Bless yourself," she whispers. "Now kneel down -- sit down -- stand up -- sit down again -- cross yourself ..." -- and so on.

Perspiring from all this activity, Coconut takes out a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his face. Then he lays it on his lap to dry.

Seeing this, Beverly leans over and whispers, "Is your zipper open?"
"No," replies Coconut hastily, "should it be?"


Swami Deva Coconut arrives in Bombay airport with his pet parrot on his shoulder. He is intercepted by an Indian customs official who says, "Hey, stop! You have got to pay import duty on that parrot!"

"How much?" asks Coconut.
"Let me see," says the official, paging through his imports book. "Here we are," he continues. "Five hundred rupees for an alive parrot, one hundred rupees for a stuffed one."

"Hey, Coconut" screams the parrot. "Don't get any crazy ideas!"


It is monsoon in Poona, and Swami Deva Coconut meets Swami Veet Herschel on M.G. Road.

"Hi, Coconut!" says Herschel. "I have been meaning to ask you, can I have back the umbrella that you borrowed from me?"
"Oh, sorry," says Coconut. "I lent it to a friend of mine. Did you want it?"

"Not for myself," replies Herschel. "But the swami I borrowed it from says the owner wants it back!"