American and desi usage of English can foul up life for you
in the US, warns Amir Tuteja

Call, don't ring!
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I have lived in the US a little over 30 years now, and am
thoroughly Americanised in the usage of English. I come across the
desi version from frequent contact with the desi embassywallas,
desi students and visitors from India & pak. There are so many differences
big and small, in the meaning and pronunciation, in the usage of the
same language - English - between Americans and desis, that it can be
amusing and even embarrassing at times.
Many moons ago, the first time I went to McDonald I did not
know what was meant by the phrase "to go" ( which means to take the
food away and not eat there ). The girl at the counter asked me "to
go?" and I thought she was asking me to leave!
I was upset and retorted " I have come here to eat, why should
I go?" It took some explaining on both sides before I could place my
order.
Americans are very verbose in saying things, which in themselves
are somewhat different from those in our lands. One almost always says "How
are you doing?" when you meet an acquaintance, and the accepted reply
is usually "Pretty good" and not just "Fine".
The reply to "Thank you" is "You are welcome" and not "Mention
not". But if you say thanks to someone like a sales girl, she is more
likely to say "Uh-ha".
Unlike in our dais,"Excuse me" deserves an answer like "No problem".
When you are about to part, sometimes, you have to play games of
getting in the last word. Expressions like "see you later", "have fun",
"take care", "have a nice weekend","don't work too hard", come in handy.
I am also reminded about the use of the expression "Really". This
is used to mean "Oh, I see". For example, if somebody asks you where do
you work, and you answer "government", pat comes the exclamation "Really
!", which a first few times sounds like they do not believe you.
There are a lot of words and phrases which are used differently.
A funny example is that an "eraser" is never called a "rubber", because
the latter is slang here for a contraceptive!
A desi friend at a restaurant, when asked, if she would like
anything more at the end of the meal, answered: "No, I will just take
the bill". You should have seen the look on the waiter's face - of
course, she should have asked for the check which she could have then
paid with a bill(s).
Many American pronunciations are different from the British ones
used in our countries. For instance, one pronounces "schedule" as "skedjule".
Also "coupon" is pronounced as "q-pon". When the "i" is preceded by an
"m" or a "t", it is pronounced as "my" and "ty" - for example the words
"semi" and "anti". When it is preceded by a "d", unlike in India you do
not say it as "die", but as "dee", for example the word "divorce".
An elderly desi couple have been living in this country for the
last 20 years or so. This incident occurred a few years ago. They were
in one of those huge parking lots at a department store. On returning to
their car after shopping they realised they had a dead battery on hand.
So they looked around and the lady spotted a man about to get into his
truck. She told her husband that she would ask that man if he could
help them. She approached him. The lady said, "Hi". The man replied
"Hi, may I help you." The lady said "Yes please, could you please give
me a jump".
At this the man was rather shocked, and sort of taken aback. He
appeared to turn red, until he noticed the elderly gent in the car. Then
he laughed and remarked that "Oh you mean that your car needs a jump st-
art". The lady remarked "That's what I said".
Later in the car when the puzzled lady narrated this incident to
her husband, he almost drove off the road roaring with laughter. It was
only after he explained what "jump" meant, that the lady turned red. In
fact we discuss this incident almost every time we go to dinner at their
place.
By the way, she has never been to that shopping complex ever
since this incident out of fear of bumping into that man!

Tailpiece : In the US you give someone a "call" not a "ring" on the
telephone. A newly arrived desi went to the university library looking
for a job, and had a long discussion with the lady in charge. While
leaving he told her, "Well I'll give you a ring tommorrow."
The lady was so stunned that she didn't speak for a few minutes,
and then blurted out, "Isn't it a bit early for that?"