The mighty hotchpotch of arranged marriages

[Endurer]

I am not here to ask if you are against or in favor of arranged marriages. So, if you think its cool or it sucks, please get lost. Having said that, lets conitnue with the discussion.

My question(s) are:

How easy is it to marry someone you haven't met, haven't seen, haven't heard about aka strangers?

Is it possible to float the boat with that stranger for the rest of your life?

What should be taken care of so that the marriage doesn't dissolve?

Would you like to mould yourself to better fit into this relationship? If yes, why?

This topic means a lot to me therefore please do not brag about anything else here.

[Hina87]

How easy is it to marry someone you haven't met, haven't seen, haven't heard about aka strangers?

It isn't easy. However, some people just don't care. In my opinion, I would have to be engaged for at least a year in order to better understand the person to see if we are compatible or not.

Is it possible to float the boat with that stranger for the rest of your life?

I think it is possible. Many people have arranged marriages, and they seem to be just fine.

What should be taken care of so that the marriage doesn't dissolve?

Communication is key. I think feelings should be taken care of before you get married. Feelings meaning to actually ask the other person if they feel comfortable marrying you. Ask this question to yourself as well.

Would you like to mould yourself to better fit into this relationship? If yes, why?

Why mould yourself? If you're getting married to this person, he/she will be your life partner. Just act like your natural self, or else your relationship will be fake. You're going to be living with this person, and you can't keep a false identity with them.

I hope my answers helped.

[Atlantic]

How easy is it to marry someone you haven't met, haven't seen, haven't heard about aka strangers?

Well, it's not easy to marry someone you have not met, or seen, or heard abt until you are married to one. You have expectations, and there are things you fear of. There are constant cross questioning going on in your mind, with yourself, of that person...you want to talk and know things, bt you r reluctant...it's almost intimidating situation.

Is it possible to float the boat with that stranger for the rest of your life?

Yes, it's possible. After marriage, one has to realize that this is their life, this person is their life partner and this is what Allah has decided which is in their best interest...and thus it has happened. Now, to float to boat, both people have to break the silence, of course i would expect one to be more willing to favor in floating the boat, if both are reluctant, they have to get started on it....start with being friends..don't tell each other let's be friends..bt you know....talk about what you feel down abt, share your joys, get to know the person, ask for their interests, take interests, show your own interests...just like one would do otherwise in life...with a close friend. Spend time with each other. With time, you will start to understand each other's mentality and start accepting each other...and hopefully there would be the magic spark... Of course, if one of the two, chooses to stay reserved, and not is willing to float the boat, then of course things can get difficult and that's another story.

What should be taken care of so that the marriage doesn't dissolve?

Space, respect, understanding, time...etc. Well, give each other space to sink oneself into the situation/relationship. One must remember and understand that everyone has a past, they bring their own baggages to thier ongoing an coming life...everyone.... Allow, time between each other to understand one's personality, habits, thinking styles, perspectives, likes, dislikes..... simply mentality. don't jump to certain things one does not like of the other person...think of it.....it happened, because it was in your best interest, and have faith and trust on yourself, on your partner, and most of all, on Allah. Practice patience, it's not just something religious...but practicing patience in daily life situations...can help one control their thoughts and actions for handling their life circumstances.

Would you like to mould yourself to better fit into this relationship? If yes, why?

Well, if i was in such a situation, yes...i would mould myself to better fit into this relationship. Because me being a girl, i know, and i have great faith in Allah. I said it many times and i say it again, this was the best for me, and this is why i am going through it. If making changes in myself, or doing things in a differnt way will help save this 'supposingly my marriage' i would do it. To me, at that point of life time, this is the most important thing, i will do the most in my control to do for the better of the relationship; and this i will do because i will remember the things that can be worse and be thankful to Allah for what I have.

This topic means a lot to me therefore please do not brag about anything else here.[/quote]

Dear Endurer, i tried to answer your questions with sincerity, hopefully i have not written something that is not suitable of your expectations as n answer to ur questions.

Thank you.

[RAHEN]

Q1-How easy is it to marry someone you haven't met, haven't seen, haven't heard about aka strangers?
A- It kills one when ever one self is gonna marry some one whom we dont know.Many thought keep coming in mind- some negetive and some positive. its never easy for a person who really wants a blissful future. and in the end one is left wid no choices either to accept stranger and make family members happy or reject him/her and make them unhappy. aur agar koi baat bhi karte hain to kehte hain we know aap ka acha and bura.



Q2-Is it possible to float the boat with that stranger for the rest of your life?
A- If one has got into it then one has to go through it. No way back. yeh bhi sach hai ke koi bhi relationship aik se nahi banta and in marriage both should go for never letting the boat sink.if one tries and the other doesnot still the relationship sinks and then one mindset is confirmed -live it or leave it.and in the end it comes on one person tendency to float the boat. many have survived it with keeping low expectations or no expectations.then why cant the other.Aur yeh bhi aik bahut bara sach hai ke one can't look out of the closed door


Q3-What should be taken care of so that the marriage doesn't dissolve?
A- Dont Expect. Compromise.give space and time to understand everything going on in the house/outside.and be cooperative with him/her even if u dont want to.


Q4-Would you like to mould yourself to better fit into this relationship? If yes, why?
A- Yes for the happiness of ma family and after doing istikhara i m ready to go for anything.

[Endurer]

Thank you Hina, Atlantic & Rahen sis. It really feels great to find answers for your questions at the most unexpected places. Kudos to all of you.

Yes, I am the one going through all that I've mentioned above & at my blog. I'm ready to do some sacrifices on my part. This whole procedure can take upto 1 or two more months so I have plenty of time to filter the (better safe than sorry) trash out of myself before the engagement. Do please pray for me (or can I say, us?), I really need them.

Sincerely.

[Endurer]

Oh & I will post more questions, if there is a need to....

[Atlantic]

You are always welcome ....Endurer...and best wishes for your future...by the way..i dind't really wanted to post it..bt to make u feel better and ot comfort u..i am already praying for u..now come on..i can sense it through ur posts....what's happening arnd u! lol

[RAHEN]

ok sure

sure brother endurer we will pray for u

[Hina87]

I'm glad that you liked our answers


and I always pray for you Bhai jaan

[Endurer]

Thank you

umm yeh the signs were pretty much there.